So one thing I’m learning is that I can travel, and move into the flow of events where I have amazing experiences. Or I can write/create about those experiences. I can do both of those things with pizazz. But I can’t do both of those things at the same time. 😉
So my daily writing is turning into a process of breathing – when I am breathing out – dancing, visiting amazing new places, attending festivals or writers events, and galas and openings and sharing the work Mark and I do, I can only focus on that action of fully immersing myself and sharing and giving of myself to the world around me.
When I am at home, in a creative nook or lady cave, on the other hand, I can go deep within myself to find words, cuddle kittens, get lots of sleep and process/channel the many types of experiences and energies that are moving through my brain and bodhi.
I’m notorious for disappearing for weeks at a time when we are on the road. I just can’t keep up the correspondence. But it is simply a matter of using all my energy while I’m out there, either to deal with the physical stressors of additional sunlight (lupus means sun = bad), travel, extended talking and heightened awareness states, lots of exercise and changes in diet and routine/sleep/time zones, lots of people and packing and unpacking/sightseeing, anxiety around what to say if and when I speak in public, excitement about what to say and about whatever project is happening at a given moment, and the often physical aspects of working/covering events if I am filming or photographing.
As a perfect example I am on the tail end of a crazy three week tour that has included:
Somewhere in between all these things, or during them, I have found time to sleep. And also get a massage (thanks to Mark surprising me this week). But everything else has been on hold.
Fortunately most people understand I can’t do much. What can be difficult for friends to understand is that when I am at home I am basically in isolation and doing intensive healing/resting and recharging my batteries, as well as trying to get into a creative flow. So hanging out can really muff up my ability to recharge as it’s a huge export of energy and by the time I get back to my lady cave I am often starting to tap into reserves.
I’m much better at protecting my energy these days, but when the trips become extended like this one with lots of stops and starts I can feel the period of time where I am being pushed past my limits.
Sometimes people will say “well everyone is busy” when I try to explain that while I am home, I’m not actually able to hang out or go to meetings – and that can be frustrating – because the implication is that I just need to suck it up/set priorities.
But my work life, the work we do to help the Southern Resident Orcas, and the time I spend with Mark at events meeting people, while deeply fun and fantastic on many levels, also takes a great deal out of me, requires specific skill sets and abilities and is an important part of being an artist/filmmaker and selling more books/getting invited to future events. Yes I love all of that social time, especially when it’s folded into a few days and then I can rest. Yes I love seeing my amazing friends and getting to hang out with amazing thinkers, writers, artists, filmmakers, scientists, political badasses, dramatists and environmentalists.
Also I deeply appreciate the many ways I learn, grow, get cool ideas for how to move forward with my work, exchange important information or causes, am able to support others with their amazing work, and also network and generally share what I do, what Mark does and get pumped full of wonder at the diverse number of people working to create a better world in their corner of it.
But it also can wring out every drop of my energy and require days or weeks to recuperate.
So please remember, if I am resting or travelling, I’m not being an asshole and ignoring you. I’m just focusing on breathing in and out and trying to remember to breathe deep. There are moments between the two when I’ll be in contact – and it may take a while but I will see you there.