Deathwish Won. Hope Zero.

Deathwish Won. Hope Zero.

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(originally published nov 9, 2016 on

Today I’m making cinnamon buns, and napping and playing with my cats and drinking really good coffee. And I’m not taking a mental health day — I’m taking a life affirming but hard look at what part of me can resonate with that thing that just happened, that might be ok with the world ending just a little bit.

Yesterday was hell for anyone who is an empath. All I can say is if you are feeling all of these feelings like I have been, take good care of you. It’s a lot to process, and it’s going to take time.

Make sure you feel your own feelings and do lots of loving things for yourself. Don’t let your own feelings, get submerged in the collective crap-storm of agony and ecstasy that is sweeping the planet. If you are alone — I highly recommend a companion animal — there are lots and lots that need to be adopted and have tons of love to give.

I’m going to feel my heart — the shock, and anger and sadness and sense of inevitability and disappointment and heartbreak. I’m going to let myself feel those feelings and not pretend they don’t exist or don’t matter. And when I’m done with that, I’ll start looking at how to move forward and what actions we can take next, and what it is that I need to do now. I welcome your thoughts on this — but not today.

Today I want to grieve for the death of a dream, and for the end of the world as we know it. Whatever comes next, it’s time for me to see what we are first, to take a hard look into the mirror of our human soul and see all of it.

Right now I don’t see an upside. I’ve been seeing this rise for months — while trying not to think about it too much. I stopped asking tarot cards and pendulums about this about a month ago for the most part — because no matter how far ahead we seemed to get from this thing the answers rarely changed to the final result of this election. And I’ve made a point of sharing information about the choice we faced — but without trying to focus too much on a negative outcome as a reality.

One of the largest fears I have had for many years is that there are so many of us who for various reasons need the end of the world to happen, and that number has grown because of climate change. Christian theory says that there must be a terrible time with an anti-christ before the Hey-zeus shows up and fixes everything. And this horrible mental image, this prophecy of John called revelations has infected large groups of people.

Prophecy is self-fulfilling. But I believe we have a choice and I have been hoping that if enough of us stay strong and fight the good fight we could avoid having to physically go through an apocalypse.

I am very much afraid we just voted for one in the physical world though. That for us to get past this horrible belief that many of us were inundated by as children, about “the end times”, that we will have to physically experience it.

Why wasn’t the original Hitler enough? How many warnings do we need that we are running full tilt off the edge of a cliff, from how many experts, to finally get the message and put on the brakes.

Why must we replay the story of the titanic and easter island and atlantis on a global scale over and over again? Seriously Earthly One…..


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